The Gift of Family

Typically, I carry the personal preference to wait a certain period of time before I write about it. I tend to withhold a lugubrious aspect of the situation and feel that may overpower the words I actually feel and desire to get across. . . .It's second nature to get caught up in emotion; which is not what I want to happen right now .... and with this in particular, this subject and these feelings intertwined in the subject ...it's overwhelming. It's deeply painful and yet; I wouldn't change a thing. Not for a second.

Please realize that it's only painful because the dynamics have changed. The center of my life...the prominent aspect of it for sixteen months is something I can't even begin to describe. The depth of what that means is unbearable to explain; perhaps even impossible. Mainly because I am still uncovering the meaning myself...but also because nothing could have prepared me for the impact that would quickly arrive...and the overwhelming love and emotion that I feel...that I will always feel.

.. I pray it never leaves me.

This graciously allowed me to be irrevocably changed.. These people are my family....but it's an entirely new dimension of “family” because they chose to be this way. We chose on a daily basis to be this close to one another; supporting each other and being dedicated through it all. It never quite made sense to me why these wonderful people went above and beyond for me...but I stopped questioning it a long time ago. I embraced the gift of unconditional kindness and allowed myself to experience it. At times I tried to mask the overwhelming shock I had through each time they displayed it...which ended up being countless; so I gave in....and...I couldn't be more grateful for it.

I am richly blessed to have a drastically deeper appreciation on life; to know an entirely new level of devotion and love like I do now is priceless. Over a year ago I made a promise to stay until the very end...without realizing it would approach rapidly. It is a bittersweet emotion that I will never look back on with regret.

This experience is crystal clear evidence of being one of my most prized possessions that consistently reveals itself. The blessings, the love, devotion, support and patience that I gained..is a gift I am profoundly undeserving of and yet..find myself drenched in by these amazing people. I am horrifically sad that my time experiencing this regularly got cut so short, though..but..that is both inevitable and undeniable.

Sixteen months just isn't enough time.

However, as life often reminds us, some things are simply out of our control. I have never been faced with incidences as powerful as I am now. Not this prominent..Not this close.. Not this..visual. For once, no adjective is necessary to describe this because.. it is vastly different. On one side; I feel utter melancholy to the most proper delineation. On the other; so full of pure happiness and joy to have the gift of experiencing this.

Something inside of me drastically transformed. I finally know the real meaning of love. When all you feel and surround yourself with is love and devotion...you can't help but be affected by it.

It shakes you to your core.

I suppose I should start from the beginning...in hopes of allowing you a piece of the gift that was given to me months ago.

I simply had no idea. ..

A friend knew about a lead from a friend. That was it and I went for it...

That friend and I scheduled to meet on a Saturday; he welcomed me immediately with genuine authenticity. A rare and contagious warmth radiated that enabled a feeling of being “home” in a place I had never been before.

My transformation was already beginning, I just hadn't realized it yet.

And true; I had dabbled in the line of work and knew enough to qualify; plus I was eager to utilize my medical skills....but it was how the interview was conducted that sold me......I was hired immediately. I wanted nothing more.

[...little...did..I...know...]

My life will never be the same...him hiring me was the biggest blessing in my life; in areas people only dream about...in ways...people only read about experiencing....I found myself profoundly undeserving, enveloped inside of, drenched with and wholly apart of.

Even though some days were strenuous; often times they were happy and light hearted.. Only about a handful of those days seemed impossibly frustrating and tested us all. The prominent consistency being each day started and ended with a hug and an “I love you.” Not one day went by without that; so regardless of what category the day was, it didn't matter to me. It was just life unfolding itself and we all experienced it together. Thats how I saw it...I didn't view it as a “job” that I was obligated with...it was life and we were living it.

This woman was my side kick. She was my adopted grandma, my protector, confidant, sister and friend. She laughed with me...goofed off with me, cried with me..got angry with me (and at me at times.) If she saw me sick or in pain she instantly tried to perform a sneak attack role reversal and take care of me in such a motherly and endearing manner.

There was something about knowing we still loved each other during the bad times...something so comforting knowing such devotion like that existed. Never had I had such a profound sense of acceptance before. It changed the way I see the world...I'm immensely humbled and in awe by all of this...

Her family rallied for me when I needed it the most...when my life obstacles nearly destroyed me; they were there for me. No questions asked. I always looked for ways to reciprocate to show my gratitude; which was difficult because they never asked for anything. That was never why they were there for me...

and Why? 


Because...It's just what families do.






R.I.P. My amazing "Mimi"...Thank you for sharing your family with me. You will forever remain deeply imbedded in my heart