If you were to ask what just happened to me tonight.....years ago... I would tell you it was a gift, a blessing, a miracle even....the final end to my longing journey of wondering.
….and now? I don't know how to explain it...it wasn't anything, really. I am grateful that this person now has clarity in their life... but to hear it years later? I feel nothing...
At least, nothing that I would have felt in the past. I would have raced to “square one” as if it were an olympic race that defined my fate in life...
I am grateful because I am a humane person that this person is slowly becoming free from a darkness that entangled their very soul...
Because no one deserves to live in turmoil... no one should grip onto their demons so hard that they cannot even identify which one is which...
For that: I am grateful. It is an answer to prayer I used to pray quite often.
I am choosing not to be angry that I was the person that they hurt enough to lead them to the road of redemption... because we all have those.... I was just that for this person.. “it is what it is” and to think any further would be pointless because so many amazing doors have opened because of this path... that I couldn't escape from... and now? I would not change a single thing because of my present state of life.
….and that? Is beautiful in itself. I have new friends that I cherish, a beautiful future that is hard as hell to gain but worth every second of it..... roads opening that I never imagined worthy enough to step into...dreams unveiling themselves as reality...and a strength inside of me that I doubt would have manifested had I not had to wait.
Life and its timing is a crazy thing.
I apologize that this is not eloquently designed or laid out... I'm tired, it's finals week..and I admit....I am a little dumb founded about tonight.
