I have always had a flat stomach, with defined abs... always had a body I loved, viewing pregnancy as something I "had" to go through because I wanted a child, a lil boy, for so many years....
...and many years had neither... my amazing and supportive husband and I started the adoption process because he knew how badly I wanted to be a mom... how much I needed to have a child of my own and although I secretly wanted to feel that deep connection between mommy and baby, wanted to know what it would be like to feel him/her from the inside... I told myself it's okay because I could keep my body and still be mommy! My husband fought gently about not giving up my dream, a dream he shared with me now, too.. and that is when it really began.. I stopped projecting negativity of not being able to conceive and started envisioning, believing, seeing, our future family.
Finally, on June 6th, 2013 I get that beautiful positive on a pregnancy test (and 6 other tests just to be sure) and my world turned upside down. I knew THIS is what I wanted... this feeling that something incredible is happening inside of me...I knew that it was the universe allowing me my hearts desire. Despite that I was still terrified of losing my "pre baby" body... scared that my 16 inch ribcage tattoo would be horrifically deformed afterwards... I was still elated. No word or cluster of words will ever properly explain how happy I was that day and how it has intensified each following day after.
Being pregnant is all about glimpses and signs of why you're going through this...Sweet reminders that something amazing is going on and temporarily, the amazing miracle is masked with unpleasant gift wrapping... In the midst of my first trimester, I was considered "High Risk" which was terrifying but I am not going to talk about that because we got through it.... All I will say is that it just intensified my love for this sweet baby of mine... So, in the midst of throwing up all day, every day, being so sick I couldn't speak or handle a conversation because it triggered a migraine...
We heard his strong, fast, beautiful heart beat... oh, there is no better sound!! His heartbeat made me probably look insane, smiling AND throwing up, BECAUSE I was throwing up! "If this is what you gotta do, my love, keep on doing it!!"
"Do whatever you need to do to your mama, sweet little one, I just want you here!"
and now? I am 21 weeks pregnant with an obvious baby bump... and I couldn't be happier... I couldn't feel more beautiful. When I look in the mirror and see my tummy, I smile so huge because I am filled with pride and joy knowing my SON is growing and thriving... and when I feel him kick? Ahhh.... nothing else matters :) The whole world melts away around me and regardless of what my day brings, I smile and am filled with happiness and warmth radiating within me because my beautiful lil baby boy is jabbing his mommy.
When I look in the mirror... I don't see my newfound cellulite... I don't see extra weight that my face packed on, I don't see all the extra acne, my alien looking belly button that hasn't popped yet but is definitely no longer "in" and that "Baby line" Linea nigra? I even see beauty in that because it is a mark of pregnancy.. and pregnancy is something I fought so hard to get and lost all hope for awhile to have...
I KNOW my body is changing and I KNOW it is about to endure so much more in the months to come but I eagerly await because it brings me so much closer to holding my precious son in my arms, hearing him cry, watching him smile, seeing his sweet little eyes wander around and soak up the world around him....
We really do earn our titles of "Mommy" and it begins with pregnancy... but I love every minute of it... I could do without the morning sickness, back pain, sciatica.. and fatigue.. but if that is what it takes to meet my precious baby boy?
I am ALL IN.
This is truly the greatest time in my life... I married my soul mate and my best friend, the universe waited until we were together and in such an amazing place in our lives to bless us with our son... and this time in our lives is the greatest "waiting period" before we meet our miracle little fighter :) Being able to parent our son together is a gift I don't think many people/children have these days and I treasure the opportunity and am so grateful that it is something we will be able to tackle together. I cannot properly explain how happy and perfect this all is. My pregnant body is something I love so much because it is literally a growing reminder of how lucky I really am :) He is kicking up a storm as I write this and I cannot help but think my lil boxer knows how happy he makes me...even though he will stretch my skin out that defies the limitations of anatomy... bring it on, baby! As I have said since 6 weeks pregnant: Do what you gotta do, my love! I just want you here!
My today! Week 21 1/2 (Not that I am counting hehe) :)
Me at 20 weeks :)
The best pic of all!! My Handsome lil man waving at 18 weeks :)
...and many years had neither... my amazing and supportive husband and I started the adoption process because he knew how badly I wanted to be a mom... how much I needed to have a child of my own and although I secretly wanted to feel that deep connection between mommy and baby, wanted to know what it would be like to feel him/her from the inside... I told myself it's okay because I could keep my body and still be mommy! My husband fought gently about not giving up my dream, a dream he shared with me now, too.. and that is when it really began.. I stopped projecting negativity of not being able to conceive and started envisioning, believing, seeing, our future family.
Finally, on June 6th, 2013 I get that beautiful positive on a pregnancy test (and 6 other tests just to be sure) and my world turned upside down. I knew THIS is what I wanted... this feeling that something incredible is happening inside of me...I knew that it was the universe allowing me my hearts desire. Despite that I was still terrified of losing my "pre baby" body... scared that my 16 inch ribcage tattoo would be horrifically deformed afterwards... I was still elated. No word or cluster of words will ever properly explain how happy I was that day and how it has intensified each following day after.
Being pregnant is all about glimpses and signs of why you're going through this...Sweet reminders that something amazing is going on and temporarily, the amazing miracle is masked with unpleasant gift wrapping... In the midst of my first trimester, I was considered "High Risk" which was terrifying but I am not going to talk about that because we got through it.... All I will say is that it just intensified my love for this sweet baby of mine... So, in the midst of throwing up all day, every day, being so sick I couldn't speak or handle a conversation because it triggered a migraine...
We heard his strong, fast, beautiful heart beat... oh, there is no better sound!! His heartbeat made me probably look insane, smiling AND throwing up, BECAUSE I was throwing up! "If this is what you gotta do, my love, keep on doing it!!"
"Do whatever you need to do to your mama, sweet little one, I just want you here!"
and now? I am 21 weeks pregnant with an obvious baby bump... and I couldn't be happier... I couldn't feel more beautiful. When I look in the mirror and see my tummy, I smile so huge because I am filled with pride and joy knowing my SON is growing and thriving... and when I feel him kick? Ahhh.... nothing else matters :) The whole world melts away around me and regardless of what my day brings, I smile and am filled with happiness and warmth radiating within me because my beautiful lil baby boy is jabbing his mommy.
When I look in the mirror... I don't see my newfound cellulite... I don't see extra weight that my face packed on, I don't see all the extra acne, my alien looking belly button that hasn't popped yet but is definitely no longer "in" and that "Baby line" Linea nigra? I even see beauty in that because it is a mark of pregnancy.. and pregnancy is something I fought so hard to get and lost all hope for awhile to have...
I KNOW my body is changing and I KNOW it is about to endure so much more in the months to come but I eagerly await because it brings me so much closer to holding my precious son in my arms, hearing him cry, watching him smile, seeing his sweet little eyes wander around and soak up the world around him....
We really do earn our titles of "Mommy" and it begins with pregnancy... but I love every minute of it... I could do without the morning sickness, back pain, sciatica.. and fatigue.. but if that is what it takes to meet my precious baby boy?
I am ALL IN.
This is truly the greatest time in my life... I married my soul mate and my best friend, the universe waited until we were together and in such an amazing place in our lives to bless us with our son... and this time in our lives is the greatest "waiting period" before we meet our miracle little fighter :) Being able to parent our son together is a gift I don't think many people/children have these days and I treasure the opportunity and am so grateful that it is something we will be able to tackle together. I cannot properly explain how happy and perfect this all is. My pregnant body is something I love so much because it is literally a growing reminder of how lucky I really am :) He is kicking up a storm as I write this and I cannot help but think my lil boxer knows how happy he makes me...even though he will stretch my skin out that defies the limitations of anatomy... bring it on, baby! As I have said since 6 weeks pregnant: Do what you gotta do, my love! I just want you here!
My today! Week 21 1/2 (Not that I am counting hehe) :)
Me at 20 weeks :)
The best pic of all!! My Handsome lil man waving at 18 weeks :)
