“I’ll
never forget that moment… it really stuck with me.”
How
literal can that statement be?
In
order for that answer to bare truth in my personal life, I have no
other choice except to type:
“Entirely too much so.”
I am once
again…wholly enveloped in my own contemplation of… an unforeseen
psychological shadow and trend.
I
really don't mind psychoanalyzing me... I
have grown to appreciate myself as a patient (Mainly because it would be technically unethical and/or illegal for me to have "patients" before I am a licensed Psychologist but whatever.) Despite that, I do feel that I am increasingly self aware,
complex, strong and… let’s go with “quirky” for my lack of
obligatory terminology. . . .
....But as it so frequently occurs in life,
I am stumped. This exorbitant mystery is driving me insane and I must
stop it.
But…
how can we stop something if we are unsure of why it begins?
Maybe
I ask too many questions…but this just doesn’t seem right.
So,
before I have no other choice but to fire my own mind… I will write and
hope that some divine transference of wisdom be shown through the sky onto my fingers down to this page that I am staring at. ...Maybe.
At
a certain age, we all experience a sting… a burning pain usually
intensified by another person’s action or doing. Whether it is a
romance and broken heart, or disappointment from a parent, sibling, or friend…whatever it is… Someone in our lives will hurt us.
That
person inadvertently takes a piece of our proverbial heart and it
never returns.
We
have all heard the saying: “That stuck with me.” Typically used in
a negative connotation, right?
…Do
you wonder why it is right nearly every time, but in the most literal
fashion possible?
I
Do.
Why is it so easy for us to carry the negative around with us? So easy for us to refuse to leave an abominable routine....
Because we are used to it and it's comfortable? Or solely out of habit?
To seek fulfillment in life is not the same thing as being complacent with it..... (Yet I meet too many people who disagree with me on this statement.)
*Ahem*
Example time...yay!
This
has no actuality to me personally but we have heard people claim to
never want to be like their parents when they grow up… yet they
still emulate traits genetics do not hold in captivity… Which must have
been learned and despite not approving of what they witnessed, they
grew up to do the very same thing..
This
next example, unfortunately, does carry a similar resemblance to my
life…
If
a lover hurt us… why do we carry the pain with us to the point of
it being imbedded inside of us and a part of our identity? Why? It is
utterly void of sense and logic and yet it drenches our reality.
That
significant yet pejorative, horrific event in our life stung us to
the point of… Committing the same crime? How does that make sense?
History
repeats itself.
…..until
you break it.
….until
you stop it.
Until
you demand it stops and fight like hell to break that habit....It won't...
So don't
give up.
You WILL actively succeed. Perhaps not overnight and probably with a pace
likely to aggravate us all...
But
you will get there.
I
just do not understand why our minds seem to be so wired for
malevolence and destruction.
We
want to succeed in life... in work and in our careers for instance.. But why can't we be
happy to witness someone else obtaining our eventual goal? Why is it
so much more common to try and tear that person down in order to get
there first? Do you really want to succeed that way?
You
can't break a habit by taking short cuts. Trust me, I've tried them
all.
…...and
each one led me to square one.
It wasn't until I finally caught on to this that life really began for me. Even though I remain stumped in this areas, I know to keep going. I know not to stop.
So
maybe, just maybe... history can one day simply be a subject we learn
in school and have no other relevance to our lives.
One day.
